She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
