I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
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I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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