I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
