You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
