Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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