I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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