I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
