nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
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I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
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Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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