she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
