yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
My nipple is on Facebook.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
