What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
