Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
