Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
