16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
