i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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