Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
