I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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