Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
