Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
