Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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