remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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