Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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