Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just found puke in my bra..
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
