Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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