I hate your face
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
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I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
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Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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