ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
