It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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