For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
