I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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