she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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