Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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