Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
