is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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