Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
