You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
