i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
