It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
