I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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