We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
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Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
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I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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