Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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