you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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