Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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