it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
