when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
