i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
