Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
