i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
