Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
