i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
