The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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