I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
The best revenge is premature balding
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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