Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
