Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
there is glitter all over my balls
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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