Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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