Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
