Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
