This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
