but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
