i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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