The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You may now shotgun with the bride
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
