Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
