you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
