I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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