Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
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On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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