Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
