yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
