By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
