I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
