What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
