At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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